Sunday, January 15, 2012

not so much mother of the year

I may have earned a few mom points for carting Lou all over Tarnation to see the Monster Jam trucks that were in town, but I lost any and all points and went negative for the lessons I taught the kids the next day.

First, let's enjoy Lou, enjoying the trucks.  Bee was at school, although she didn't seem to care that she missed them.

We went with a buddy which makes everything more fun.  Plus, I enjoy his mama, so it was more fun for me too.

The drivers were signing photos of the trucks.  Lou wanted the pictures and autographs, but wouldn't get close to the drivers. His buddy lacked that fear.

Onto the next truck at the next random business in town.

I did 'encourage' Lou to grab the signed photo from the driver himself to be polite, but... oh no, too close..... retreat.  retreat!

So, the Monster trucks came to our town. I got a hold of three passes to the pit party before the show.  Hubby was to take the kids,  I was going to clean, grocery shop, sew.  Then, he had to work.  Here's where the problem started.  The pit party was from 11-12:30, the show was at 2:30.  Surely you could leave between so I packed lunches.  We had plans to walk to the downtown library inbetween and nicely pass the time then walk back over for the show. 

We went to the pit party right at the start of it (11:00) so we would not be rushed on our library picnic, I parked nice and close in the two hour slots.  As the ticket gal scanned our tickets, I asked, "When we leave for lunch, we just get our tickets scanned again?"  She looked at me puzzled and answered, "Oh Honey, you can't leave."  crap.  crap.  crap. 

I explained that we had parked in the two hour spots (I wondered why there were so many free spots so close to the building!) and what was I to do.  I told her I was pretty desperate here.  I was without my husband, had spent all of our money on the tickets and was now going to get towed (Not to mention that our lunches were in the car and we had 3 1/2 hours to kill).  She must have seen the desperation in my eyes because she took me aside and explained that all hope was not lost.  She said that if I 'needed a smoke break' in an hour or so that there was a slightly secret door between sections 112 and 113 and if I talked to a gal names Linda she would let me out that door.  Then I had to walk down three flights of stairs and there would be a gentleman named Paul who would let me outside to smoke.  From there I could hike the few blocks to get back to the front gates and pass through the line of police cars blocking the road and find my car.  Then I just had to make sure I entered back in those same back doors, show my tickets to Paul and then to Linda.  If security stopped me along the way I was not to say that Sandy had said this was ok.  I pretty much started feeling nervous and antsy and like somewhere between Linda and Paul and the security guard we were getting kicked out. 

We went to the pit party, saw the trucks up close and made posters at the kids tables.  Then we found our seats.  It was 11:40.  Crap.  We still had a lot of time to kill and the car to move and lunches to find.  I explained to Bee and Lou that we had a secret mission.  We might have to be a little sneaky and mommy might have to fib a little, but we were in a bind.  Gosh, I rock as a mom.  Lesson taught:  It's ok to lie, if you are in a bind.  

On our way to sections 112 and 113 for my 'smoke break,'  I checked out the concession stands.  $8.00 for a hotdog. $15.00 for a snow cone (I kid you not!). Oh my, now I had to sneak our lunches in too!    We made our way to 112/113 door, and found Linda.  She asked if I needed to get out to smoke.  I answered "Yes."  I am not a good liar.  Bee looked right up at me and smiled. Crap.  lesson taught:  Lying is fun if you are in on a secret.

We made out way through the back part of the building and found Paul at the door which was being held open by a safety cone.  Paul asked if he could help me find my way.  I explained that I was looking for the smokers door. Not as much a lie.  That was the door I needed.  We stood there with a few other smokers until Paul closed the door.  As soon as Paul went back in, the kids and I took off.  I wasn't sure how long a smoke break should take, but I figured we couldn't be faster than 10 minutes, even if we were lucky.  We booked it two blocks or so to the front entrance.  We made our way through the the police cars and ambulances. 

(I'm going to continue telling the story, but also show photos of the later show- so obviously we made it back)

I threw the kids in the car and buckled them up in record time.  I drove all over about a five block radius.  No parking anywhere.  I drove through the only parking garage I know about.  Full.  Crap.  How many cigarettes should I be smoking on this break?  I hated to do this, but I parked in the library parking garage.  I went to the basement of the parking garage where I think only the staff parks.  No one should notice me there.  I threw our lunches in my large purse and we hiked it back to the truck show building.  We went to the back of the building. Paul was no where to be seen, but now a security guard stood there with a few random smokers.  Crap.  He clearly saw us walk the two blocks along the backside of the building.  I whispered to the kids, "I need to both to be very quiet as we get back to our seats, don't do any talking."  I think they sensed the slightly crazy tone to my voice.  Thankfully, the security guard turned and walked over to a police officer a few yards in the other direction.  As long as he didn't turn around we would be fine.  As we approached the door, I slightly more louder than necessary said to the kids (really to all the smokers), "Let's go back in the SAME door we left from."  We ran, I dragged the kids up the three flights of stairs and through the scary back hallway.  I was pretty sure the security guard was following us or the smokers at the door had ratted us out.  Lesson:  run!  There was Linda.  She asked how my smoke break was.  I just smiled and said "thank you."  We were back in. 

It was a long 'smoke break,' but we still had some time to kill.  Like 2 hours.  We also had our lunches.  There were signs everywhere that said, "no outside food or drink.' There were very few people seated still, only the ushers everywhere I looked.  I was pretty sure we would get busted.   So I did what every good mother would do.  I took the kids to the ladies restroom and we sat on the floor of the handicap bathroom stall and had our picnic- sandwiches and oranges at least.  No shame there. It was a pretty clean stall and it's not like we touched anything. Lesson taught: Rules don't apply to us. We will eat whatever food and drink we want. Also:  When you want to do something sneaky, just hide and do it. 

The show was great.  It was loud and smelly, but we enjoyed ourselves.  After about an hour and 20 minutes the music stopped, the lights turned to normal and we gathered our things and stood up.  Then the announcer said, "It's time for out intermission- go get some cotton candy."  Crap again.  It was 3:20, we had been here since 11am and it was only half over!  Lou said, "Is it time to go home now?"  I answered, "I guess so!"  Hannah asked, "What's intermission?"  Crap, I'm pretty sure she knows.  I look at her and said, "It's time to get cotton candy on our way home."  Except when we got out there, cotton candy was $15 a bag!  Thankfully Bee and Lou both said, "Seriously?  That's crazy!" 

We were so far from the front gates and had parked closer to the smokers door, plus we'd already been so naughty this day, so we decided to leave through the smokers door again.  Linda let us out for another smoke break and we walked back to the library. We checked out a few books to feel legit about parking there. 

To top this day off with my good mom skills, I ended up teaching the kids the words to the "Mama Mia, Papa Pia"  song that kids sing.   When I told hubby this story later, his biggest issue was our bathroom picnic.  "That's gross," he said,  "Gross!"


Sandy said...

Had I been in that situation, I probably would have done the same thing!!

Sparkling said...

You and the kids might as well have just smoked a butt on the way out, for good measure!

No good ever comes from these monster truck things and I am so not surprised that a) they had these rules and b) you were told how to go around them and c) that no one raised an eyebrow when you brought your kids for the smoke break. What a marathon day that must have been for you! I'm sure they filed all of those lessons away for future reference :)

And yeah, how you all ate in a bathroom stall just mystifies me. EWWWWW. YUCK.

jess_hak said...

This was hilarious!!! I probably would've done the same thing you did. How can they not expect outside food and drink to be there when they are charging $8 for a hotdog...seriously that hot dog cost maybe .18 lol

If you are still feeling really bad about doing that stuff I would follow it up with a conversation with your littles...about how what mommy did wasn't right (a conversation I have to have with my kids all. the. time. lol)...maybe how the situation caught you off gaurd, but the right choice still should've been made and how you need to ask for forgiveness.

Just know that you are a real mom, in a real situation (love the bathroom floor picnic lol), and many real moms have done the same thing...(I bring outside food to theaters all. the. time....maybe I should feel convicted about that...)

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